The Box
I lugged the brown leather box down from my attic. I was curious of what was inside.
We had just recently moved into this house. The past owners forgot to unpack their attic. When I first opened the attic, I heard something
scuttling inside. I was worried to look inside but I took
the risk anyways. Turns out, it was a
family of squirrels.
It was hard
to carry the box down the stairs.
When I opened the box, I found a camera
that was decorated with beautiful gems. As I picked up the camera, it crumbled in my
hands.
Great story! But for my opinion the part when you said...
ReplyDeleteThe past owners forgot to unpack their attic.
Didn't really make that much sense you would not know that the past owners forgot to unpack maybe they just left it unpacked on purpose.
So i suggest to change it to
The past owners seemed to forgot to unpack their attic.
*forget
DeleteThank you for your suggestion!
DeleteVery nice story but I think you should change these things
ReplyDelete- In your 1st paragraph and 2nd sentence you wrote ' I was curious of what was inside.' I think you should change it to ' I was curious about what was inside.' so change 'of' to 'about'
-also in your 2nd paragraph and 2nd sentence you wrote 'When I opened the box, I found a camera that was decorated in beautiful gems.' I think you should change it to 'When I opened the box, I found a camera that was decorated with beautiful gems.' so change 'in' to 'with'
Overall very creative story..
Alright, thanks
Delete