The Rainbow After the Storm
The glass shattered in the kitchen as they ran upstairs into
their bedroom. Joshua and Niño hid under
the bed for protection in case the roof fell.
The storm was the strongest storm they had ever experienced in their
lives. They could hear their parents run
up the stairs. The doors were swung wide
open and they saw their parents rush in.
They all hid under the bed for eight hours. During those hours, they could hear glass
breaking and thunder. As the weather changed they went out of
the room and looked outside. The storm had passed and left a rainbow
overlooking the destruction.
Overall I really liked your story but I found a mistake- In the 3rd sentence you wrote, they have ever experience in their lives. Change experience to experienced.
ReplyDeleteOk. Thanks!
DeleteAll in all a really great story but in your 3rd sentence you should have written,they had ever experienced in their lives. Change the have to had. Same with your last sentence, The storm has passed and left a rainbow overlooking the destruction. Change has to had.
ReplyDeleteK! Thanks!
DeleteHello Harry Potter,
ReplyDeleteWhat a wizard of a story, Harry. You brought the drama of a severe storm to your readers. The fear, sounds, and damage finally ends. A rainbow lights the sky and the clean up can begin. Well done.
Here in Australia, northern areas can suffer cyclones but even in the southern areas severe storms can reek havoc. Your story is something I'm sure many people around the world have experienced.
With your developing skills as a writer, I hope you can continue entering the 100WC and sharing your adventures.
Ross Mannell (Team 100WC)
Teacher (retired), N.S.W., Australia
Wow! Thank you, sir.
Delete